A marriage from a woman’s perspective is a never ending list of expectations and duties that she has to fulfill in order to be the “perfect daughter-in-law”. Maybe I am being too biased since I myself am a woman, but looking around; almost every single family has similar issues, if not the same. With the times changing these ongoing “standards” should also be changed. In this article I will be discussing a few of the important traditions or norms that need to be end.
Woman’s Life After Marriage
Marriage is a step forward in a woman’s life, so why does it seem like it’s the end of her life? If seen from a woman’s perspective, marriage requires more than one sacrifice. Yes marriage is a beautiful matrimony of two people coming together forming a bond to last a lifetime. But if all major responsibilities and compromises are thrown at the woman, the beauty in this relation just lessens.
Not only does she leave her own house to live in another, which itself is a very difficult thing to do, a woman is expected to basically drop her own light and personality and live according to her spouse’s family’s living styles. She has to do everything she can to please her in laws, no matter what the price. Islam tells us that a woman isn’t obliged to serve the parents, that’s the spouse’s job, since they are his parents. If she does so, she is doing it voluntarily and should be shown appreciation. A woman has entered your family as a family member, not as a maid. Moreover, many in-laws tend to disregard the opinions of their daughter-in-law in many family matters. She is part of the family now, not a housekeeper, it is vital for her husband and his parents to make her feel that way.
Secondly, a woman should not be expected to compromise on her career goals. She studied for many years so obviously would like to use that knowledge in the practical world. Forcing a woman to sit at home and focus on the household duties or vice versa is wrong. She is a free human and has her rights; marriage shouldn’t look like a cage of her freedom.
When teaching how things go about in the house, it is important to remember, she’s new here, and it’s going to take some time for her to adjust. The situation itself is enough stressful for the woman, so the mother-in-law should show leniency to ease her stress. If the pressure of the in laws isn’t enough, the relatives and neighbors add more to it. Asking many personal questions like about her weight, complexion, family’s wealth and the most annoying one-when are you having babies? Questions like these reduces a woman’s confidence, even if they were merely “just asked”. Such information is none of the neighbors’ business, so best if they are told to keep out of these.
Life Before Marriage
The pressure of a marriage from a woman’s perspective starts way before the marriage itself. The society’s idea of “having things done at a certain age” needs to stop. The amount of self-esteem damage this does on the mind is a crime. As soon as a girl graduates, her parents are questioned about her marriage plans and rishtas like as if it’s the end of the world. This not only adds stress to the parents but also to the daughter. The feeling of other people basically telling you how to live your life isn’t present at all.
First people tell you you’re not doing things according to your age, the next thing they do is start commenting on the appearances; too thin, too fat, too short, too tall, too dark, too pale and the list goes on. Girls are rejected on such baseless things, and people aren’t even considerate in doing it. First of all, a woman is not some show piece for people to come and judge. And then to say hurtful things about things she has no control over. If that isn’t enough, the family is judged based on their income. Low income, rishta rejected, no arguments, because apparently that’s the right way to do things. Then comes the pressure of dowry on the bride’s family which is a completely different topic to discuss about.
After graduation a woman is shown literally two options; Marriage or Job. Because being single is just taboo and it astounds me how this has become so normalized. A girl will be in her last year of Masters or Bachelors and her parents will be searching for rishtas.
A woman should neither be pressurized into marrying someone nor should be criticized if she doesn’t want to marry at the current time. Women should not be judged on such petty things and should be respected more especially when it comes to such matters. You are no one to judge someone when you don’t know them personally. Ending these baseless norms of marriage, we will be setting the women free from a very heavy burden. It is vital for all of us to understand that a relationship is built upon things like love and trust, not on materialistic things like wealth, facial features etc.