Marriage, a love story or a deal?

Marriage is a beautiful bond that brings two people together, in fact, two families together. Humans have been created in pairs and inevitably need one another to live. It is by the addition of a partner that one’s life blossoms and he/she shines more than usual. Of course, I am describing the ideal form of love. The reality, however, is quite different from our imagination you see. Some couples fall in love, stay in love, grow old together and die together. Some fall in love and break apart. Some don’t love each other but are arranged into a marriage and fall in love afterwards, stay in love and die together. Some are arranged into marriage and they don’t love each other and break apart. Some stay in abusive relationship because of societal and family pressure.

 There are countless scenarios and stories I can keep on telling you but let’s get to the point. Where does it all start? Ah yes, the prologue of our epilogue, “marriage”. There is a lot of debate upon which marriage is better, the one that your elders arranged for you or the one that you desired.

Arrange Marriage:

Never met the girl/boy, don’t know the nature of the person you are about to commit spending your life with. As you can feel, there is a lot of uncertainty. Most brown kids leave this decision to their parents, as they feel their parents know what is best for them and will choose a partner, they believe are best for their kid. But, if one says elders always make the best decisions, I will say this with a contended smile on my face, I believe they are wrong. You see, our parents and elders are just like us, they can also make mistakes and choose wrong. I have personally seen arranged marriages fall apart because the elders chose the wrong partner.

Let’s talk about after the marriage. As you are marrying a complete stranger, it does take a lot of time to get to know them, their hobbies, their passion, their fears, and their nature. If lucky, both partners understand each other’s nature, accept, and love each other. The world isn’t perfect, sometimes it doesn’t work out, one of the partners feels “imprisoned” and lives their whole life with someone they feel like they don’t belong with or the get divorced. There are a lot of factors that play a role in both, keeping them together or breaking them apart. First and foremost is the partner’s nature, then comes to in-laws and finally the society.

In conclusion, arrange marriages do work out and sometimes they don’t, one cannot absolutely say that arrange marriage is the best path or the worst path.

Love Marriage:

We all love a romantic story. Two people meet, fall in love, get married, have kids, grow old together, and die together. Such a beautiful simple story it is, isn’t it? No one talks about all the things in the middle, the long talks, the staying up at nights, the fights, the sadness, the hurt but you see, these are the things that really matter. It’s the fights that determine the strength of the love between two people. As they say:

“falling in love is easy, staying in love is hard.”

A marriage takes two people to work. Love isn’t one-sided. Yes, people in love fight and sometimes take some personal time but love brings them back together. Sometimes, love falls apart and marriage breaks. The world isn’t perfect you know.

If we take about the taboo around “love marriage” in Pakistan, I believe love marriage should be normalized. I am not taking about the haram and illegal relationships. I am talking about the fact if a girl or a boy likes someone, they should be able to easily tell their parents and ask for his/her hand in marriage. There is nothing wrong with it, it’s their right. Also, our religion allows and recommends this path.

We might not have gotten these opportunities, but we can make sure our children don’t have to go through what we went through.

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